Grief is guaranteed. When we are separated from those we love, we grieve. I’m no grief expert but, I have experienced grief. As a matter of fact, I am grieving right now.
Why do we grieve? We grieve loss. All types of loss can result in grief. As with all emotions, there are many degrees of grief. There are many forms. There are many expressions of grief.
Because we are complicated beings, grief can be very complicated. I don’t intend to imply that we can simplify the process of it nor deny the pain that accompanies it, but, I do think there are some simple steps we can take to survive it.
First of all, if you are a Christian as I am, there is no greater comfort to be found than in our faith. It changes everything about grief as we are assured that our separation is temporary. This is one of our blessed assurances. This life is only part of our journey. But, beyond our beliefs, there are steps we can take to make sure that while we have grief, grief does not have us.
1 – Go ahead and cry. It does relieve some of the erupting emotions of your heart. But, after you’ve cried, laugh or smile. Make sure you recall a special memory or funny moment so that emotionally you end on a positive note. Do this on purpose. This will validate your right to mourn and still feel joy.
2 – Share your grief with others. Join a grief support group or get together with family and friends who have experienced the same or similar losses. Talk about it. Be honest. Encourage another hurting person. Don’t be a closet griever. There is great strength to be found in fellowship with like-minded folks.
3 – Write it down. Keep a journal. For emotional pain, I prefer a real pen and paper. Something about pouring your feelings out in writing is extraordinarily therapeutic. Burn it if you feel you must when you are done. Use that pen to relieve some of the grief. You can almost feel it siphoning off the pressure of a broken heart.
4 – Remember them with small intentional acts. My friend introduced me to Chai tea. As I’ve grieved her death, I will often make myself a cup and recall our times at the coffee shop as we pondered Scripture. Every time I make chicken and dumplings for my family, I think of my beloved Grandma making them for me. Each time I crochet a certain pattern I remember the cherished person who taught me and her smiling face encouraging me.
5 – Give it time. We will never forget. We don’t even want to forget. But, time will lessen the intensity of the pain and make it more bearable.
6 – Honor their memory. Donate to a charity they supported. Contribute to a missionary in their name. Mow their mom’s yard. Take their husband a casserole. Pray for their children. Tutor a child who is struggling. Help a hurting person. Whatever you do, do it with a smile and in their memory. Invest in others as a testimony of how they invested in you.
7 – Live your life and enjoy it. Embrace each day with as much enthusiasm as you can muster. This does not dilute your loss or discount your grief. Instead it declares that each day is indeed precious and should never be taken for granted.
8 – Ask for help if you feel stuck and unable to move on. See a counselor, confide in a pastor, find a therapist. Whatever it takes, don’t slip into a rut and settle down there. Don’t be ashamed to admit you need some guidance. This doesn’t mean you are weak of character or lacking in faith. It means you are wise enough to ask.
My prayers are with you that are grieving. I’m praying as I write these words that those who read them will be encouraged and comforted.