Is Love Black and White?

Ask a lot of folks about love, about relationships, about family and they’ll offer a disclaimer, “It’s complicated.” Perhaps they are right with their perspective but, I have a different view. It’s rather black and white. 

I think love can be at it’s very core very simple and straightforward. I’d go as far as to say it is black and white. I believe the complications arise when we rely upon emotions and feelings versus choices and commitments. 

I’ve had sincere people ask me with all honesty if it was really possible to love a child you adopted with the same depth as a child you birthed. I always assure them that yes, absolutely it is possible. I often see the hope reflected in their eyes that I am right but, a bit of skepticism bordering that hope like a thin veil of protection keeps them from fully embracing it. 

When considering adoption, people sometimes ask about guarantees. Will they bond, will they blend, will they rebel, will they love them back? I always answer their honest question with an honest answer. “No guarantees.”, I tell them. But, then I remind them that there are no guarantees with children you birth either. 

What about adopting a child who has a different skin color than your own? What about a porcelain skinned girl giving her heart to an ebony skinned boy? Can it work? Can you overcome the obvious differences and be a real family? See, here’s why I say love really is black and white. 

Today when one of my sons laid his hand over mine comparing his man-sized one to my petite momma-sized one on the drum we were discussing, I felt the warmth of his hand and the overwhelming warmth of love in my heart. I did not carry him in my womb but, I’ve carried him in my very soul, in my thoughts and on the wings of my whispered prayers. Yes, love is black and white when you come right down to it. 

You don’t fall into it. You don’t fall out of it. You decide. You choose. You commit. You determine. You take a chance. You risk everything. You love. 

And this I know, in the end, love wins. 

  

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3 thoughts on “Is Love Black and White?”

  1. My little brother is adopted, and I can say, as a sister to an adopted brother and a biological one, there really is no difference. And if I had adopted a child, I don’t believe I could love that child any less than my biological children. You are right. You love them because they are in your heart. You chose to love them, just as you choose to love a biological child. When I taught children in a classroom, I loved those children so much it surprised me! I loved them because they were mine, for that year the principal placed them in my class, I took responsibility for them and I can truly say I loved them. Love is a choice, and it’s an emotion too. ūüôā And just as God loves us, He places love in our hearts for others. To me, it’s kind of inescapable. I don’t think much about it. I know God loves me, and He wants me to love others, and so I do. Now, adults who treat me bad, those people are hard to love. But a child I am responsible for? It’s so very easy.

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